Sex is the biggest nothing of all time

Pleasure. That’s this month’s topic for the Carnival of Aces over at The Pleasure’s All Mine. I’m thinking that thepleasuresallmine chose this theme on purpose –also considering the subject of her blog in general- just to hear all of our little dark secrets, but she won’t be getting much from me considering I am not sexually active in any way nor do I masturbate.
I’ll start with clearing up one thing first. I have decided that I will and want to die a virgin (how can I miss something I never tried?). That makes me a celibate ace, I guess. It doesn’t bother me in the least what people will think; why would I have to have such an intimate moment with somebody if I myself don’t feel that it’s important nor want it. I hardly have a libido and am also sex-repulsed. The sex itself doesn’t disgust me, but ever since I remember I am reluctant towards bones and muscles; that leads to me not wanting to touch anyone, neither animals, because I feel that I will break into pieces by their touch. I swear it isn’t personal.
Another factor for not wanting to partake in a sexual relationship is my dysphoria. Thankfully I don’t have strong body –or social– dysphoria, but surely there are things, such as sex, that will trigger it. And I am not going to take my chances.
I also doubt I will ever find somebody who I trust enough to have that kind of relationship with. I dislike being vulnerable. They say “there’s somebody for everyone”, which I don’t really doubt much, especially since in my case the statement is true (I am popular enough with the lads when I present femme), but me being aromantic doesn’t permit me to return the feelings.
I am aware that there are many kinds of pleasure, not just the physical. I would like to say I am an incredibly interesting person and that my hobbies range from east to west, but truth be told my obsession with Japan touches all the corners of my life. It started with a manga and then proceeded to have me studying Japanese culture, history, language, religion and anything related. So you could say that I get my pleasure in digesting more useless facts I will never need about a country at the other side of the world. Reading, cartoons, the internet and drawing also keep me content. Call me childish if you must, but I prefer to say I’m simply not interested in physical pleasure.

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